And I mean that in the most sarcastic way possible. We work 4 days a week, so we had today off. We had an absolutely wonderful start to the day. We have a set of glass doors in our bedroom that open out onto a balcony, which we cover up with a set of curtains at night otherwise the first thing the sun does when it rises early in the morning is WAKE US BOTH UP AND THEN BLIND US. So I go to open the curtains and guess who is standing on the balcony maybe ten centimetres away?
I did the sensible thing. I SCREAMED MY HEAD OFF, made a grab for my cricket bat, yank the door open and jump at him.
I made him flinch. He flinched. A freaking ELDRITCH ABOMINATION. I made him FLINCH. By SCREAMING at him and then attempting to kill him via blunt force trauma. Emphasis on attempting. I somehow ended up on the other side of him, cornered against the rails of the balcony. Dunno how. I didn't run around him and
Then, of course, he goes all OMGTENTACLES on me, the world goes all fuzzy and then I wake up on the bed with Chester FLIPPING THE FUCK OUT because Slendy TOUCHED ME and I COLLAPSED and then I realise I have completely lost use of my voice, which continued for about an hour. And I threw up some Slendergoop. Then Chester and I had a shouting match about me attacking Eldritch Abominations without backup, which although Badass will probably get me killed when my luck runs out. Chester resolved the argument by hugging me and making me promise never to do something like that again.
Then we went downstairs and found Kristen in the living room. With a very unconscious Razor. Apparently he decided he was gonna win some brownie points by killing Chester and then sticking me in a another tiny cupboard.
So now Razor has been fed the cure and has thrown up a bathtubful of Slendygoop and Kristen is huddled in the corner of the bathroom keeping an eye on him.
And JEFF. GODDAMN FUCK IT JEFF. WHY CAN'T YOU NOT BLAME YOURSELF FOR EVERYTHING. AND WHEN YOU'RE NOT BLAMING YOURSELF YOU'RE BEING RECKLESS.
GODDAMNIT. Sometimes I wish I didn't care about you people quite so much. I wish I didn't want to give you hugs and cookies and vegemite sandwiches when you're sad and bail you out when Slendy screws things over and AUGH
can't take this anymore. I can't keep smiling all the time.
Even I have to cry sometimes.